Day 27

Hi everyone.

I’ve been called a let down for not blogging for so long. I just ran out of inspiration for a while so I want to apologise!
I’m sorry and I hate to be a disappointment.

I wanted to tell you all what I had done with my week but I am sat here failing to remember what I did on Monday. I am going to start putting alot more effort into these blogs.. planningis going to go into them, i promise you! I already have some ideas so i am going to run them past a couple of people and see what they think but this will all kick in once the photo challenge is over... not long left with this now! Day 27 today :(

I don't want it to end... keep dragging it out but keep getting told off so here it is. The final few days <3

My dad’s birthday today so I want to wish the April fool a very happy one indeed!



On with today’s photo challenge part of the blog:

Day 27:- A Picture Of Something You Are Afraid Of.

I have one major fear that seems to have come from nowhere. It’s a fear of fish.
It’s very fussy though. For instance if you put a goldfish in my hand and told me to hold it.. I could do that quite easily. If you told me to put my hand in a tank with the goldfish swimming around.. I couldn’t.
So I have a fear of the when they’re in there own territory I suppose. I’m not necessarily scared of the fish themselves, I guess it’s when I have to invade there habitat and especially when I have to be in there personal space.
I absolutely hate walking through aquariums.. little tanks aren’t too bad but big bloody massive swimming pool’s about four times the size of me filled with swimming fish, sea creatures, whales and sharks creep me out! Luckily, due to my condition I can’t go scuba diving or snorkelling really. WOOHOOOO!! So unlucky to anyone who thought they’d make me face my fear :p
I went snorkelling in the past when I was around 12 and It didn’t really bother me but they were tiny fish and stayed right at the bottom of a 12foot pool. I was in, swam a 10-metre length and then out again.
No fish came near me and I kept my head up and didn’t look around underwater :D
In aquariums I cant really have a good luck around as It just sends shivers down my spine, talking about it and even simply looking at the picture I have used creeps me out completely. I close my eyes when we walk through the shark tunnel thing. My hands shake and I just keep my eyes closed shut.




Another fear I have that I have yet to encounter but it floats around in my head is being alone. NOT on my own. ALONE!
I feel like they are different things right?
Being alone is totally different to be lonely too. I can’t really describe why and this is really weird for me to talk about and I don’t ever usually talk about this but when I was moved to adult care and was real bad health wise and transplant was being discussed, I started to look up what it meant etc risks! I heard of more & more people dying whilst on the transplant list, I got scared, I got really worried and I started to think a lot. I obviously thought of all the positives and good aspects but I have always been told that it isn’t a get out of jail free card, it isn’t a cure, it’s not the ‘easy option’, it’s not a miracle worker and its not a certifiably, guaranteed to be successful.
I started to think of two things and since then they’ve stuck but at the very back of my mind. Before I tell you these, I need you to know that i believe in life after death (spiritually) AND that I am not scared of dying itself just these main things:

1) I’m scared that when I die, I’ll be alone.
I’ll have left everyone behind and moved on all by myself so that I’m totally on my own. That scares me!
2) I’ll be forgotten.
I want everyone to carry on with his or her lives happily as life does go on but I just don’t ever want to be forgotten. Is it possible to carry on with life happily without forgetting someone who has passed away? :/

I don’t know. It’s all confusing, uncertain, not nice and uncomfortable things to talk about so I never ever bring it up, especially right now as there is no need to so I never discuss it with anyone and try to suss it out myself. I’ll stop talking about it now but I just want to clarify that what I have decided happens is that when you die, you go into a state of unconsciousness where you’re in a constant dream world where everyone you love and everything you love is always there with you whether they be dead or alive in reality because in dreams anything can happen!
I like this idea and decided it’s what I shall stick with ☺

There is nothing to fear but fear itself… apparently!
Going to leave you with the funniest & at the same time cutest video I have seen this week :) ENJOY!

Take Care, Soph xoxo

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