I repeated Proff's words to my dad when he came back in after my private chat. I decided to get my mum, dad and Shaun in the room that evening so i could tell them what had been said.
That night, i figured that if this was to be my last christmas that it would be a bloody good one, regardless of being in hospital on the V60 or not!
As christmas approached quicker and quicker, my family huddled round me to give me what felt like a christmas week!
I had my cousins, Samantha, Kristian and Lucie-Jo come to decorate the room into a santa's grotto! I shall pop a few photo's here:
Every year since i was a little girl, me, my auntie and once my sister beth was old enough; would watch a christmas film a few days before christmas and have a mini feast of sweets, popcorn, crisps etc.
This year we all got round the hospital bed with an iceblast they had brought from the cinema on their way to the hospital and we watched one of my favourite christmas films, Elf.
My best friend Emily and Paddy came to have an early christmas day as theyd be spending the actual day with their families. So we opened each others presents!
At night when everyone had left and i was unable to sleep, the nurses and i would play board games (obviously when everyone was sleeping)
The final Tuesday (23rd of December) before christmas, i had a little christmas sing-along with my physio Fiona and the Nurses Charlotte and Nia!
"Snow is falling all around us, children playing.. having fun!"
I went to bed that night so happy and looking forward to christmas with my family and my other family here at the hospital on Pearce ward.
At around 11pm that night on Christmas eve eve, the nurse come into my room and told me to stay calm as the transplant co-ordinators had rang and they had a possible set of lungs for me. I rang my mum, dad and Shaun to all make their way back to the hospital and explained that it wasn't for certain and we would be in for a long wait as had been explained to me.
This was my first call in just under 2 years of being on the waiting list.
I was so ready for this, i needed this more than i ever had and most importantly, i knew my time was running out fast.
One thought that kept buzzing round my head was, "but it's christmas in a day.. someone has lost their life, people have lost their loved one and it's christmas."
My mum, dad and shaun turned up and the nurses started preparing me for theatre.
I was ready for theatre by 1am but we had heard nothing still.
I was getting more & more nervous now. The what if's had time to creep in and i don't know what it was but something in my gut was telling me it wasn't right.
I just put that down to the nerves and tried to fall asleep for an hour or so.
I was woken at 3am to be told the donor was on life support and they were going to switch the machine off, however, there would then be a time frame for the donor to actually pass away for the lungs to be able to be used.
I think this is 4 hours. So from the time the life support is switched off, the donor had to pass away within 4 hours or the lungs would be classed as unsuitable for transplant.
I was taken down to the anaesthetic room to be prepped so they could rush me in theatre as soon as they were given the go ahead.
We sat in that anaesthetic room for what felt like days.
It must have been around 6 or 7am when we were told the donor's heart had not stopped beating and therefore the transplant would not be going ahead.
I thanked all the staff who had come in overnight and wished them all a merry christmas before getting wheeled back down to Pearce ward.
There was an ounce of dissapointment but if i am being honest, i felt more relieved. Something was just telling me since the start that that call was not the one. More than anything i felt an overwhelming exhaustion.
I think all the emotions, thoughts and adrenaline of the night had wiped me out as i slept the day away and woke around 5pm to have a little christmas dance party with my nurse Charlotte who i had promised a chirstmas party before she left work on christmas eve. I felt much better after my dancing with her. I'd also realised I had gotten this massive sense of hope. I was loosing my faith in that call coming so to receive a false alarm give me so much happiness that i was on the radar, i did have a match out there and it could happen!
Another one of my nurses Nia had been Charlotte's secret santa that year and had asked my dad to dress up as father christmas and give Charlotte her secret santa present before she left on christmas eve. My dad, chelsey arrived back down that evening and we were going to have a pre christmas party but first he had a duty to fulfill. He hid in the bathroom till i got charlotte to come into my room and when she did, he burst through the door with the present and gave it to her. Her face was a picture.. no literally, i got a photo and it's amazing. I shall insert here:
We had an early night and we woke up bright and early on Christmas morning!
I was a sleepy girl christmas morning but my dad had slept over and I woke to Father Christmas in my room with a big bag full of presents all for me ....
All the nurse who were working Christmas came in to wish us all a Kerry christmas and it was just such a lovely morning! Visitors were scheduled to pop in throughout the day so I was never alone. My dad stayed with Chelsey all morning and my cousins Christian, Lyndsey and Auntie Maxine came just before lunch time too.
My mum and Andy came christmas afternoon and they also brought me a home cooked Christmas dinner courtesy of my granma!
After Christmas dinner, I had a little bit of time just me and shaun. Soon after it was time for a christmas party as my cousins, ella, jojo, samantha & kristian came with my auntie and uncles.. auntie sharon, uncle neil, auntie shirl and kimjiwoowoo!
once everyone had left, me and shaun had a sleepover in my hospital room! I was so tired after one of my best christmas's!
I can't express how thankful I am to everyone who made a crappy situation into the best. I am such an incredibly lucky person. My family and the staff at manchester adults cystic fibrosis centre are the only thing that kept me from going crazy in the little room over the festive period and the whole of the whirlwind admission!
It was time to put some work in now.. I needed to keep fit and strong so I could spend another christmas with this crazy but amazing family i have! This would not be my last christmas, certainly not!