onwards & upwards!

Hi everyone,

Okay i'd just like to say that i'm writing this on my new blogger app on my phone. Therefore, if there are any typo's.. i do apologise (uncle neil)
Before i begin, I've had a special request to spread the love to all my lovely blog readers from my best friend in the world.. Miss Chelsey Thackeray! <3

It's been a really tough couple of weeks. Quite possibly some of the worst weeks this year so far. In the space of two weeks, i've lost a very dear friend, heard that an old friend got the life saving transplant she needed badly at just 16 and then devastatingly watched, heard and greived a close friends death.

Andy Ashworth battled his fight with cancer till the very end! He proved them wrong time and time again by bouncing back and fighting tooth & nail.. he managed to renew his wedding vows to his lovely wife lisa, he went to a couple of matches of his favourite football team and he spent as much time as possible with his gorgeous sons, Curtis & Gaz.
He used to say that i was his inspiration! A grown man who battled from his diagnosis to the end of his life.
Funny really because he is a huge impact in me motivated to conforming with treatments, doing physio, working hard and enjoying life!
Your wife and two sons are doing you proud with both there bravery & stregnth. Thank you Andy for everything you did for me & all the little chats and conversations we had.. i hope your getting the well deserved rest up there Mr Ash <3
I was unable to make it to his funeral due to being in hospital but i understand it was an amazing send off for an amazing man! He shall forever be remembered! Sweet dreams Andy Ash <3

I heard soon after that an old friend from the childrens hospital had recieved her double lung transplant. She had it in Great Ormand Street Childrens Hospital. The day before her 16th birthday she had the life saving op! It was successful but she hasn't had it easy. A few complications have set her back abit but things are finally picking up for her and of course she is still smiling & happy. I'm glad she got her call.. she is one of the lucky ones. Shouldn't be a case of luck though i believe.
Anyway, i wish Alethea a very speedy recovery and hope there are no more hiccups along the way. She'll soon be chasing that gorgeous little sister of hers around and that makes me overwhelmingly happy!
She is 16 and will now get her life handed back to her after it cruelly being put on hold.
Good luck Miss Petrides!! You can do this beautiful girl <3

So this leads me to the biggest shock, impact and emotion filled part of the blog.
My friend Laura Varey lost her life last Friday. It was stolen from her.
21 years old and she's just gone.. it's heartbreaking.
Laura was my first friend on the adult CF ward here in wythenshawe. She saw my name on the door, had a nosey in whilst on a walk with physio, then waved and added me on facebook. She helped me settle in on this new ward. Helped me feel less alone as a youngster surrounded by older patients. Was a fellow 'kid' (her words not mine!)
She was 21, so mature; yet so young and fun at heart!
When i was transferred over to the adult centre, my health was deteriorating and fast! They were considering refferal to the transplant team and so i underwent the full transplant MOT! It's filled with every test you could possibly think of!!
I was thrown in at the deep end with a tank filled with sharks and other sea creatures.. you all know i have the biggest fear of sea creatures! I'm simply metaphorically speaking but you all get my drift?!
I was utterly and totally in out of my depth and scared. I was scared.
Laura helped make me understand and come to terms with everything having recently been placed on the list herself. I was so thankful to have someone understand and know exactly how & what i was both thinking and feeling. She too was young and was also wanting to be able to focus on her life away from CF, but unfortunatly had no choice but to concentrate on her health for the moment in time.
I quickly formed a close bond with Laura Varey and found myself talking to her all the time via facebook. I'd wave at her across the corridor or she'd wave at me as she went past my door in her wheelchair and panda woollyhat! :')
After getting really ill near christmas with a nasty virus, laura found herself facing the hardest months in her life. Her whole energy was thrown into battling and fighting the disease that was overtaking. Cystic Fibrosis can be so cruel!
A friend of ours passed away in February, her name was Holly Morgan and although i talked alot to Holly.. Laura was closer to her. I imagine it broke her heart when she died. I remember being at home when i heard about Holly and trying to imagine what that must've been like for Laura, I mean, she was on the same ward and more than likely simply across the corridor from her. I had no idea i'd be finding that out for myself.

I found myself getting a little closer to Laura after that. I also realised i was a little more conciencious about her health. Constantly checking in on how she was and forever wishing her call would come.

This admission, i came in and quickly figured Laura wasn't very good atall. Her family, friends & fiancè were around all the time (more than usual), she was never on facebook and there was generally a horrid atmosphere on the ward. It got worse as days went by and when i went for a walk i saw her door was open so waved at her as she waved at me! :)
I was happy to have seen her and for her to look content and as close to being well as i thought she could be. That was the last time i saw her.
Days went by and her family and fiancé were here constantly! The atmosphere was close to being unbearable now and i was told that Laura had requested i be told what was happening. She'd been told she was too ill for transplantation and that there was nothing they could do for her anymore.
I was so devastated.. more so for her & her family & fiancé. Selfishly, i was gutted for me to.. i was losing another friend.
My first friend who had helped me so much and the only friend i had left on here.
She battled on and fought till she could fight no-more. Her room was filled with so much love. I'm told she was content, happy and that she had accepted everything. So like Laura to be so gracious and brave.
Her battle was over on Friday.. the day was filled with tears, love, laughs, cuddles and snuggles all for Laura. The nurses were feeling just as devastated as i was and so we kept each other going with laughs & cuddles all day! Just what laura would have loved!
Saturday i wrote her a letter, stuck it on a helium filled balloon and let it fly away up to the sky where she rests now.
I hope she got it and had a good laugh at the stories i wrote :)
Sweet dreams dolly!
Forever missed and never.. EVER forgotten matey <3

I have lost two friends from the ward now. The only friends I had made and i found that hard but i'm accepting that now. They've both become my inspiration and motivation :-
To LIVE & LOVE every single second of life.
To fill the time i have in this world with the things i love and the people i love.
To do things i want to do because i want to do them.
Finally, To stop doing things to please everybody else because i need to squeeze everything i possibly can out of this life.
It really is too short and there is no time to loose!

I hope both Holly & Laura can be everyone's motivation to live life and give life?
Time ran out for my two friends but for Alethea.. well she proved it can be done! Her life was saved by an angel who selflessly lived there life and then gave life to somebody else.
What an amazing gift and way to leave your mark in this world?
Join that organ donar register.. please!

All my love and thoughts are with Andy's family and Laura's family <3
There aren't any awards for bravery in this life so i'm hoping they are resting and dreaming sweet dreams in another world.

Love you Andy <3
Love you Laura <3... Miss you mate!

Take Care, sophie xoxo
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  1. Lovely post!! Sending all my love to you, Andy and Laura's family!! xx

  2. I'm gutted reading this! Sounds like they were both brilliant people.
    I was on Pearce Ward many year ago when a girl in the room next door passed away (pre internet so I didn't really know her), I remember gripping the chair so hard my wrist went into cramp; I just wanted to do something for her, it's horrible being so powerless, I don't know how the staff do it, they are all great people

  3. Sophie, andy was right, you are such an amazing inspiration.
    just bibbed my eyes out reading this!
    i know i dont know you in person but you are such a lovely person and im always hoping the best for you!
    you are brave, beautiful, and a little fighter!
    i have sooo much respect for you and others who are hoping for new lungs.
    keep smiling as always :)
    much love, beckie <3