this blog was looking dusty...

Ola amigos!

I know, i know i am totally rubbish and i have quite possibly lost most of my readers by not blogging and simply disappearing off the face of the earth however, the fact of the matter is . . . . i don’t want to become the boring diary blogger that is telling you what i have done with my day instead of writing a blog that is (so i'm told) a 'good read'
I finally managed to get my blog looking just how i wanted it after all day of stressing and getting very irate! I shall stop rambling on with myself and get on with the blog :)

Well i have a few things i have up my sleeve but didn’t want to bombard you with a tearjerker or a huge “IN YO’ FACE” opinionated blog so thought i’d take an inspiration from an old blog from the 24th of April 2009.
Now i had two ideas. . . one was to copy a link to this post so you could have a read of the old one and get the drift of what i’d be writing today’s blog on and the other was to copy and paste the whole blog into this post and in a different font, add some refreshed things as a ‘how i see things now’ and compare the two together. . . this failed miserably so instead i am going to go back to plan A and give you the link so you can come back to this point and read my comparisons now we are in the future!
Once you have followed the link and read the blog, come back here and we can continue with today’s instalment!


*** BACK TO 24/04/2009 *** <---- click there to see the blog from April 24th 2009!

HI . . . . welcome back to the future!!

I’m now going to take little snippets out from that blog and comment on things that had a pretty big impact on me when i was reading through the old blog.

“It’s weird to know that i have only a couple months left in school and then i’ll no longer be a school kid. The weirdest part will be, not seeing everyone every day. My best friends, the group of lads that hang around with us. The people i have known since nursery. I’ve spent most of my life with the majority of those people.
That’s all coming to an end and i more than likely will hardly ever see them anymore. It’s kind of sad really.”

Well i remember thinking it was going to be dreadfully unbearable that i was going to lose contact with people but it kind of happened and i had alot of stuff i had to deal with that brought my attention off losing friends. It did happen and i only talk to two people from school regularly and one of them happens to be my boyfriend so not sure if he counts or not :D haha!
Either way, i guess i was a little bitter when i read this, it made me think to that point in time where my friendships and bonds with the girls & guys was a real close one . . . is it selfish of me to feel a little resentful that they all seem to have just gone?
After a while, i had alot of stuff i had to deal with that brought my attention off losing friends and focused on health issues which is still my main focus at the moment. . . i guess part of me still longs to be as normal as i seem back then? :/

“Cystic Fibrosis is a disease that doesn’t get better it gradually gets worse. This is something i am thinking about more.
I know that i am nowhere near as bad as some people with CF, my lung functions are on the up and at the minute i’m not doing too bad. The thing is though, who knows what it might be like two years from now. Swing and roundabouts right? Good times and bad times?
My CF might be unpredictable but i won’t let it walk all over me and i certainly won’t back down and let it prevent me from achieving what i hope to do.”

It’s this one that stings the hardest. I have bit the bullet and copy & pasted this one, i wanted to leave it and keep this one to myself but what’s the point in writing this blog if i don’t put my heart into it?
Well how right was i?
Two years down the line and things did go a little sour as far as health is concerned. We all know that it was 2010 when i really went downhill but things are more stable now and even though i am nowhere near the health i was at the time of the old blog. . . i am far better than i was this time last year and i’m proud of myself for achieving that!
This is Cystic Fibrosis, it is very unpredictable and i have deteriorated as expected. Now i’m not lying to you all and saying i have been perfect and took ALL meds and gone in the gym EVERYDAY religiously but who’s perfect?
My CF team are brilliant and they know everything that goes on with me. I’m at a place which is really good right now. Using NIV as airway clearance, PEG feeding overnight to maintain weight, exercising more frequently and i even have less nebs so it’s easier to maintain and handle!
I don’t feel like CF rules my life as much, it just tries a little harder but i am still fighting on, i don’t doubt that for one second!

Next up is the 20 years from now list that i wrote 2 and a half years ago.. things have changed and some have been done and dusted so i’m going to go through each of them and add a comment as to whether it’s still something i want to achieve or not.
The ones i want to still achieve shall be in red, the ones i have acheived shall be in green and the ones i no longer shall be blue. Things change all the time and i am not as ‘heads in the clouds’ as i was back then, a little more realistic i guess you could say? ;)

• I want to have got good grades at college and uni – One Day!
• I want to be doing something i love and enjoying my job - <3
• I want to be in good health (hopefully) – ALWAYS!
• I hope to have made it in the writing industry – ALWAYS!!
• If i’m not a writer i want to be a child psychologist – ALWAYS a writer. . . if not, interior design!
• I want to have my own house – One day!
• I want to be in a good relationship or even possibly married – Always <3
• I don’t want kids just yet – Not for me i don’t think.
• I want to be extremely happy - ALWAYS
• I want to have been to New York, LA or Australia – One day!
• I want to have a car named Betty : ) - One day i shall have a black mini named betty but for now, Val does the job just fine <3
• I want to still be writing my blogs – maybe not every day but still going ;)
• I want to have a dog – 09/07/2010 My Roxie Puppy came into my life <3
• I want to be able to bake a yummy cake - ONE DAY!
• I want to be able to make my grandma’s chicken soup and my mum’s sheppard’s pie – Too yummy!
• I want to own a piano – Still and shall always be my favourite instrument
• I want to be good at playing the piano -Not my forte
• I want to have learnt Italian ... i love that language for some unknown reason – 18th birthday prezzie off my cousin’s chrissy & lyndsey! :D
• I want to still be writing music. – Again, not my forte . . . however check the link i give you at the bottom of my page and have a wee listen to a very talented guy i happen to know!
• I want to have seen Beyonce live in concert. – AMAZING!
• I want to have gone on a big holiday to Florida with a big group of friends and family. – One day!
• I want to have gone on a cruise. – One day!
• I want to still be in touch with at least more or less all of my school friends or at the very least know what everyone has achieved – DREAM OVER! :’)
• I want to be as close to my mum and dad as i am now - ALWAYS
• I want to still be going to my nana wheeler’s flat on a Saturday : ) – Just not possible to continue this when i spend so much time in & out of hospital! Every Saturday is definatly out of the picture! :(

Thanks for reading!
Here is a video of the talented guy i was talking about. . .

If you’re interested to hear some more. . . here is a link to his youtube page
MR ARRAN BARNES . . . share the love people! ENJOY GUYS!!

Take Care, Soph xoxo
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