Butterfly fly away ... just don't go

Hello everyone,
I’m Back : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : )
And i’m back on my IV’s after what i thought was heyfever turned out to be a cold : (
Well anyway, like i said i’m on my IV’s now so hopefully this chesty cough will get the heck out of my lungs because i don’t like it very much really. So before i continue with today’s blog i just wanted to let you know about some of the blogs i have lined up:
- Family Memories
- Family
- Jamie & Alethia
- Black Roses

Do you have someone who can make you cry with just one look?
Someone who can make you smile just by looking at them?
Someone who you fear, admire, adore, love and argue with, all in one?
One more question ... is that person your dad?
So i suppose you’ve gathered today’s blog is all about my dad, the one who created me, and the one who has moulded me into who I am today.

My dad has this invisible power over me.
I do everything the man says, everything he wants me to do ... most of the time.
If my dad says jump ... i’d reply, “How high?”
If my dad says run ... i’d say, “How far?”
I think he know’s he has this hold on me; or at least he did know.
He know’s how to get to me; or at least he did know.
My dad would make me cry with ease if i did something wrong; or at least he could.
That grip, that manipulative dominant power has started to disintegrate.
The independence in me is breaking free from the childhood, i have a mind of my own, i have opinions of my own, i have ways of my own.
That little girl is slowly maturing into a young woman. That fear i once had of him is still sturdy i admit but it’s slowly warring away.
That admiration is getting more solid, i understand everything he has ever done for me and i understand why he chose to go down that road.
That love for him is greater and it gets greater every second, of every minute, of every day; as i become aware of just how significant every decision he made has been on me. The love for my dad is stronger than any other bond i know. I don’t know any other 15 year old girl that is closer to their father than me. Something i am so utterly proud of.
That argumentative streak that i gained from my dad is budding and eager to disagree with what i don’t accept.

The arguments me and my dad have are becoming more matured, the things i have to say are well established, stable points.
One thing me and my dad argue constantly over is education.
In my opinion, i WANT to go to school, college and even uni because i know i won’t achieve much without qualifications etc. I want to be a writer but without knowing every skill in the trade i won’t ever be able to improve. I want to be a psychologist but without those grades and certificates declaring that i am a qualified psychotherapist, i won’t get anywhere.
It’s not just the fact that the world we live in now is much more precise and politically correct but also its a social thing. I was never allowed to go out with friends when i was in secondary school and i understand why because the streets aren’t safe and if i am honest the cold, doesn’t appeal to me atall. So school was my time for friends my chance to catch up on gossip and to basically have the support and back up of my friends. Finally, i actually enjoy learning new things, it intrigues me and totally fascinates me.

My dad’s views are that school is a waste of time and that he got where he is today without good grades, college or uni. However, like i said previously, nowadays you HAVE to have qualifications to get the good jobs. He also says that i can stay at home and that i don’t have to go to work. This would be wonderful but i’m not living a ‘normal’ life. The life i long to have so badly. I am supposed to be living my life not sitting on my bottom at home spending mummy and daddy’s money. That’s not where i see myself ten years down the line.
Thirdly, he wants me to live my life but to the FULL, he doesn’t want me to have to work all my life, to go to school all my life. He’d rather me travel the world. I agree this sounds amazing and so unbelievably tempting but i have said this before, i want that ‘normal’ life.

I may possibly have left out some of my dad’s points i apologise if i have; the ones shown are all i can think of. A girl at school once asked, “Why do you want to go to college because you have CF and that means you have a life expectancy right? So, why do you want to spend all your time at school when you’re gonna die early?”
My answer to that was simple so with a smile on my face i replied, “When exactly am i going to die?”
She said, “I don’t know”
I then said, “Does that not answer your question? Nobody knows when they’re going to die. I might not die of CF, i might get run over by a bus tomorrow, you may suddenly stop breathing or maybe that woman down the road might get diagnosed with Cancer. But that doesn’t give her a death sentence, it gives her a battle, one she might win or unfortunately lose. The thing is, that woman won’t just give up and stop doing anything. You won’t stop going out after school in case you stop breathing and i won’t wrap myself in a bubble in fear of dyeing by a bus or CF. Because you never know so i’m gonna go to school and then college and hopefully university and then possibly get the career of my dreams. Or maybe i’ll have to drop out of uni or college because my health needed more attention; the main thing is i’m gonna try and keep going. Keep fighting.”
She just nodded, i think i maybe went a little over board with my explanation, but either way i got my point across because she never said anything against it and she is constantly asking what i am planning for the future.
Although my dad makes excellent, tempting points ... it’s just not what i want.
So many disagreements have been caused through education that sometimes i think, “why don’t you just give up?” And then i remember that Wheeler’s don’t quit because a true Wheeler is pretty stubborn really.

Another trait i get from my dad ... stubbornness. Some people hate it but i love it; i’m only stubborn when i think i have a right to be otherwise i wouldn’t waste my time. Jelousy is another huge thing my dad passed onto me however, along with that comes devotion and pride.
Another party trick my dad shared with me is singing.
If you know me you’ll know my dad, Graham Wheeler is an amazing singer as i have mentioned in a previous post. He has turned Simon Cowell down and had to walk away from Bootcamp (X-Factor) last year because i was having my operation. My dad sings as a solo artist (Graham Wheeler), a duo (WKD), a trio (Wild ‘n’ Wicked) and was also in a live band (Stiflers Mom).
He really is an amazing singer and i idolise him for that.

A little song for my dad:

“You're my little chu-chi face
My coo-chi, coo-chi, woo-chi little chu-chi face
Every time I look at you I sigh
And you're my little teddy bear
My lovey lovey dovey little teddy bear
You're the apple strudel of my eye
Your chu-chi woo-chi nose
Your chu-chi woo-chi eyes
They set my heart a flutter
Your ooo-chi coo-chi ways
Your ooo-chi coo-chi gaze
Wilts me down like melting butter
You're my little chu-chi face
And you're my teddy bear
Together we're a chu-chi woo-chi, ooo-chi coo-chi pair
You're my little chu-chi face
And you're my teddy bear”

The song ‘Chu-Chi Face’ from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang has been mine and my dad’s song for as long as i can remember. So me and my dad are special ; ) ... I don’t care haha!
When i was little my dad used to sing this song to me when i was trying to get to sleep whilst he stroked my arm. As i got older, obviously the habit faded. However, i still like to sing this song and remind myself of how things were : )
It makes me feel like a care free child again and i love it.

My dad asked a while ago if he was going to get a blog dedicated to him and all about him and my answer was, “We’ll see.”
What he doesn’t know is that i have been writing this blog for a very long time, writing things one day and then deleting other things the next. Let’s just say it’d been edited a few times, but i am finally just going to write how i feel. He requested that it make him cry; he might have been joking but i took it seriously so here it is ... this is the blog ... but it isn’t finished.
I wanted to complete it with a little letter especially for my daddy : )

Hello my beautiful,
How has work been today? Not too bad i hope.
Well i want to start off by thanking you for how hard you work. Whether it’s 5am-6pm Monday to Friday or singing your heart out at the weekend you never fail to give me, Beth, you and mum the life of our dreams.
You and mum allow me and Beth to have everything we want and yes we are spoiled but we are so grateful for everything. We appreciate all the hours you work, all the travelling you do etc. So thank you.

Next i wanted to say that your little girl is slowly growing up now, she is becoming a young women and you keep telling me that your ‘losing your girl’ and yes you are dad BUT and that’s a huge BUT; i still love you. In fact i love you more because i am capable to understand everything you’ve ever done for me. Like i have said before, your little girl is growing up and she isn’t going to come back but i still need my dad. I know you probably feel like you need to keep me wrapped in a bubble but it’s time i make my own decisions instead of having them made for me and it’s time that this caterpillar spreads her wings and becomes a butterfly.
Auntie Sandra says i’m like a flower that’s beginning to open up and reveal its true colour and beauty.
All i ask of you now dad, is to let me. I’m not completely ready to grow up though. I’m only 15
: )

I Love You Dad All The World And Back Again ... Lots Of Times!
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Next PostNewer Post Previous PostOlder Post Home


  1. Graham wheeler6 May 2009 at 18:26

    I want the world to know that this kid oops grown up girl is trully amazing and never fails to make her mum dad sister and all that know her so proud everyday...BUT... You will always be my baby girl no matter what.. So all you lads out there beware... Haha just kidding nobody would be scared of me if they could see me crying these tears of pride.... Having fathered such a wonderful, beautiful, and truly amazing daughter... Love you baby x x x x x

  2. The love you have for your dad is amazing pure true and everlasting and i know you will treasure this love forever and the same with your dad for you. your like peas in a pod!!! sometimes you have to split the seam to let a bit of steam off!!! xxxxx

  3. this is your best blog yet sophie, not only is your dad your rock, but he is also a lot of other people's, especially mine. He does not have to worry about the boys with me tho :-) xx

  4. Got a lump in my throat reading that, I hope my daughter writes something half as nice when she grows up ;-)

    Great blog, you seem to be able to articulate your thoughts and feelings very well.

  5. Wow.......Sophie Soph this is your best blog yet, got a lump in my throat reading this and Chris says i have a heart of stone;o) lol

    Just think in a couple of years you will be out on the town with me!

    Only kidding Uncle Graham before you kill me;o) lol

  6. OMG sophie u could make the hardest heart cry with that blog. So moving and heartfelt one word really BEAUTIFUL xxxxxxx