One ticked off the list :)

Morning everybody : )
Hope everyone is well and happy. Well, the sunshine is being very generous this weekend and it even burned me as i ignorantly put no sun cream on as i type this my arms, shoulder, face, chest and knees (yes i said knees) are excruciatingly red and burning : )
Good Times!! I’ve had a really good half term let me just give you a quick itinery (if that’s the right word) haha.

Monday – BBQ
Tuesday – Clinic appointment and Aimee’s birthday meal
Wednesday – I did nothing this was my chill day
Thursday – i got my belly button pierced : )
Friday – i went for a walk around Waterhead park with my friend’s Becky & Tim and we walked to McDonalds. This is one of the biggest achievements of my life. It was a trek!! In the afternoon i went to Chadderton and spent the afternoon with my best friend Taylor. In the evening we had a BBQ again!
Saturday – I burned in my back yard!! : ( And then we had another BBQ for the sake of having a BBQ : )
Today (Sunday) – I am undecided as to what to do. My options are go out for a walk with people or stay indoors and revise. I know which i’d prefer but i also know which one is more sensible. I reckon i’ll go for a walk and then revise later on. (Probably won’t) I’m just kidding ; )

Like i said, on Tuesday i had a clinic appointment and so i thought i’d share the great news with you all.
My lung functions are at the best they’ve been since July last year : )
FEV – 75% FVC – 99%
I don’t think i’ve ever been so happy in all my life :D
I have grown and now stand at the height of 165.3cm with the weight of 57kg (i think) i weigh 9 stone anyways : )
My mum, my little sister Bethany and my best friend Aimee came this particular day. Aimee is getting really involved in my CF. It’s great to have someone to talk to about it other than mum, dad, family etc. She sees herself as my good luck charm as every time she has come and i’ve done my lung functions; they’ve been at there best : )
We all walked into the consultant room, the huge smile on my face and Dr Panicker said, “Are you the same girl?”
I admit i don’t feel at my best but i’m putting that down to my hayfever to be honest.
Overall, they are very pleased and proud. I’m extremely pleased and proud : )

At the moment my main focus is school, exams, revision, friends and the family. This is the reason as to why my blogs aren’t coming through thick and fast these days. They will get back on track though i promise you : )
So school is very nearly over now and i’m going to be walking out of there and never setting foot back in there again. It’s sad really because everything changes. The people you want to stay in touch with will slowly drift away and although you’ll gain new friends...I’ll miss the ones i already have. I’m going to add this on my aspirations list actually; i’m going to stay in touch with my close friends from school. It’s a shame because we have all had our fall outs and bust ups but at the moment everyone is so close, i don’t want to lose that : )
Well i am working on two blogs at the moment. One is about some of my family members and the other is all about Alethia and Jamie from the ward. Today’s however is going to be referring back to my ‘ten years from now’ aspirations list that i made a few weeks ago. Have a quick glance if you like. : )

“ • I want to still be writing music.
• I want to have seen Beyonce live in concert.
• I want to have gone on a big holiday to Florida with a big group of friends and family. ”

On the 24th of April 2009 at 16:54, i posted a blog titled, “Ten Years From Now”
It was a blog which withhold every dream i hope to have achieved in the next years.
I get to say that i can officially tick one off. The one that i have wanted since the days of Desntiny’s Child : )
I got to see Beyonce in concert at the MEN thanks to my Uncle Neil, Auntie Sharon, My Mum and My Papa. : ) On the 27th of May 2009 !

I’m proud to report that she’s not bad to be honest :D hahaha. She is amazing!!! Me and my Uncle Neil decided that she was okay but defiantly wouldn’t go down well at the charity concert at the Dog And Partridge ; ) We were being sarcastic of course.
I’ve never been to a concert where whilst the singer sang everyone was silent : ‘)
Brought a tear to my eye it did. She sang all the big songs, a few Destiny’s Child songs and danced whilst singing live. I thought she was astounding to be honest : )
A M A Z I N G!!!
I rang my dad for Ave Maria/angel. I don’t think the smile was wiped off my face all night and then obviously i was singing my little heart out as well. : )
One word to describe the concert? WOW!

So that’s one down ... 25 to go :D
I am working on the BIG family holiday so all you family members reading this start saving your holidays up and the pennies of course ; )
I have Nana Flo down for Florida anyway so don’t let me down : )
That’s all for now then : ) Just going to continue writing the family blog and then i think i may do some revising for history : (

Enjoy the sunshine : )
Take Care, Sophie xoxo

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Black Roses


I hope everyone is well : )
I am sorry for not writing. Weeks seem to have flown by incredibly fast and things have just been flying right over my head at the moment
Today’s blog might not make sense to everybody but it’s something that i needed to write down to get it out.

I’ve not been well recently and with exams happening right now, i suppose things have gotten to me and attacked me when my guard was down whilst away with the fairies. I have my head screwed on and have my wits about me but when things begin to get too much i tend to put my head in the clouds just to get away from things. This time, i couldn’t find the ground again. I got lost.

I completely lost myself.
I’m a very optimistic person. I always look on the Brightside of life. There is always a smile on my face and i’m the most upbeat and positive person i know. The thing is i’m also the listener, the advice giver and the wall they lean on when they can’t do it on their own. I’m the person that can’t carry all the weight on everyone’s shoulders, but will take some of the heavy load and help to carry it. I don’t mean to do it; it’s just a piece of the puzzle that makes up me. I’m a very empathic person in the sense that if someone is upset i feel sad and upset too. Other people’s emotions rub off easily on me. I avoid people who are in a bad mood because i know they’ll bring me down too. It’s this unavoidable power i have to help people even if it’s just listening to them get things off their chest. I always believe that if they feel better afterwards then i have succeeded. I like being reliable and dependable. Due to me being incredibly empathic, i have everyone’s emotions rolled up into one and slowly but surely they overpower me and i start to stumble.

Feeling empathy towards things is great for a writer. I can really engage in the character and the story this way. Likewise for when i am writing my blogs, so much emotion can be typed onto the laptop. The same goes for when i read; i say this alot but i’m the only person i know who can cry when something bad happens in a story. Who is heartbroken when the true love couple are somehow separated and who is then overjoyed when they are reunited.
I can easily throw myself into a book and not want to return to reality because in stories there’s usually always a happy ending. There’s always light through dark shadows.

Well i’ve been ill the past couple of week and like i said with my head in the clouds i got carried away and i lost myself. The optimism within me vanished and suddenly i became horrendously pessimistic and depressed, just completely miserable; something that has never happened before. Every couple of months for one night only i usually get emotional and allow myself to show emotions other then happiness, joy and affection. Last week was so weird and destructive. I wanted to write how i felt down so that once the horribleness was over i could recap and try and figure out what went wrong and what led me down this spiral to rock bottom.
Something that kept coming up in my head was ‘beautiful disaster’.
These bad emotions were things i’d never felt before, at least not for this period of time. Last year when i should have broke down with the whole health deterioration.
Looking back now, i think how the hell did you manage to smile through that girl?
Where did that sudden strength come from to keep going?
To not give up?
To not cry at every possible opportunity?
This may sound weird but i am learning more and more about me as time goes on. I found that i’m stronger then i thought, that i’m more mature then i thought, that i have my head screwed on even if i do have my head in the clouds most of the time. However, i learnt that i don’t show my emotions atall.
Ask anyone who knows me about my personality they will more than likely say, “she’s happy, upbeat, optimistic, quiet type”
That’s only half true, they forget to mention that i have my downer days every couple of month. They fail to mention that i’m not invincibly happy and that some things do bring me down.
They forget to mention that the smile i have on my face hides lies sometimes. Not all the time; i admit. However, sometimes ... those things that lay heavy on my mind overpower me and my happiness, reaches rock bottom. It’s pretty much this spiralling never ending beautiful disaster.
It’s a disaster because i walk around like a zombie with my headphones in listening to music.
Coughing, every now and again. Saying, “pardon?” when i haven’t heard what you’ve said due to the fact i’m too engulfed in the music or my own little thoughts.
Yet it’s beautiful because i really get to engage in these feelings and usually a song is written, a blog is planned or something along those lines.

I write alot when i’m down, gets things of my chest. I’m not the best person to express when i feel horrendous. I like to keep those feelings to myself because i always feel as though i am a burden for laying my troubles on everyone.
You’re pretty special if you can tell when i’m on a downer. My mum can tell. My dad can tell. My friend Aimee can tell and that’s just about it really.
Someone asked me if i was okay once, looked me right in the eyes and asked if i was okay.
I replied with a smile on my face, looking him right in the eyes and said, “Yeah i’m fine”
His reply, looking curious was, “I can’t tell with you; you hide your feelings well. I can’t suss you out”
I looked away and said, “Ha! I’m an expert at fake smiles.”
He looked abit gutted but never mind really. I’m a huge puzzle and i might look simple and easy to work out but i take alot more logic.

The thing is, i go through alot like most of you know and so i learn to deal with alot; i don’t cry when my nail breaks ... to be honest i don’t care 
I don’t care what i eat, i don’t watch my weight atall.
You won’t find me suicidal if things don’t work out between me and a lad. Of course i’ll be gutted and maybe devastated but i made a few rules for myself and number one is that i only cry once if atall.

My Rules.
- Only cry once
- Keep the block in your head up.
- Let your heart rule your head until it’s time to be serious.

There are many more. But those three are the top three. : )

So when i’m on a downer, it usually means my heart has ruled my head when it was time to be serious my block/guard went down which concludes with me crying more than once.
One day whilst on a downer i was sat talking to my friend when she said, “you don’t seem yourself what’s up?”
Really randomly i replied, “Black roses.”
Ever since then, black roses has been my code phrase for, “feeling really low at the moment.”
Purple roses mean, “Emotional” and pink roses are me and my friends favourite. It means i am great and happy.

Like i said though, you have to be pretty amazing to recognise when i’m feeling poopy.
I’m not easy to work out. I’m more complicated then i seem you see. : )
It’s a good puzzle to try and figure out. You should try it sometime when you have some free time : )
Today i feel a mixture of purple roses and black roses. Hopefully, those pink roses will be just around the corner because when i feel like this, i feel like i’ve lost control of myself and like i have lost that independence. I start to rely on my important people way too much when those black roses have bloomed and taken over my head.
Thank you for reading.
Take Care, Sophie xoxo
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Butterfly fly away ... just don't go

Hello everyone,
I’m Back : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : )
And i’m back on my IV’s after what i thought was heyfever turned out to be a cold : (
Well anyway, like i said i’m on my IV’s now so hopefully this chesty cough will get the heck out of my lungs because i don’t like it very much really. So before i continue with today’s blog i just wanted to let you know about some of the blogs i have lined up:
- Family Memories
- Family
- Jamie & Alethia
- Black Roses

Do you have someone who can make you cry with just one look?
Someone who can make you smile just by looking at them?
Someone who you fear, admire, adore, love and argue with, all in one?
One more question ... is that person your dad?
So i suppose you’ve gathered today’s blog is all about my dad, the one who created me, and the one who has moulded me into who I am today.

My dad has this invisible power over me.
I do everything the man says, everything he wants me to do ... most of the time.
If my dad says jump ... i’d reply, “How high?”
If my dad says run ... i’d say, “How far?”
I think he know’s he has this hold on me; or at least he did know.
He know’s how to get to me; or at least he did know.
My dad would make me cry with ease if i did something wrong; or at least he could.
That grip, that manipulative dominant power has started to disintegrate.
The independence in me is breaking free from the childhood, i have a mind of my own, i have opinions of my own, i have ways of my own.
That little girl is slowly maturing into a young woman. That fear i once had of him is still sturdy i admit but it’s slowly warring away.
That admiration is getting more solid, i understand everything he has ever done for me and i understand why he chose to go down that road.
That love for him is greater and it gets greater every second, of every minute, of every day; as i become aware of just how significant every decision he made has been on me. The love for my dad is stronger than any other bond i know. I don’t know any other 15 year old girl that is closer to their father than me. Something i am so utterly proud of.
That argumentative streak that i gained from my dad is budding and eager to disagree with what i don’t accept.

The arguments me and my dad have are becoming more matured, the things i have to say are well established, stable points.
One thing me and my dad argue constantly over is education.
In my opinion, i WANT to go to school, college and even uni because i know i won’t achieve much without qualifications etc. I want to be a writer but without knowing every skill in the trade i won’t ever be able to improve. I want to be a psychologist but without those grades and certificates declaring that i am a qualified psychotherapist, i won’t get anywhere.
It’s not just the fact that the world we live in now is much more precise and politically correct but also its a social thing. I was never allowed to go out with friends when i was in secondary school and i understand why because the streets aren’t safe and if i am honest the cold, doesn’t appeal to me atall. So school was my time for friends my chance to catch up on gossip and to basically have the support and back up of my friends. Finally, i actually enjoy learning new things, it intrigues me and totally fascinates me.

My dad’s views are that school is a waste of time and that he got where he is today without good grades, college or uni. However, like i said previously, nowadays you HAVE to have qualifications to get the good jobs. He also says that i can stay at home and that i don’t have to go to work. This would be wonderful but i’m not living a ‘normal’ life. The life i long to have so badly. I am supposed to be living my life not sitting on my bottom at home spending mummy and daddy’s money. That’s not where i see myself ten years down the line.
Thirdly, he wants me to live my life but to the FULL, he doesn’t want me to have to work all my life, to go to school all my life. He’d rather me travel the world. I agree this sounds amazing and so unbelievably tempting but i have said this before, i want that ‘normal’ life.

I may possibly have left out some of my dad’s points i apologise if i have; the ones shown are all i can think of. A girl at school once asked, “Why do you want to go to college because you have CF and that means you have a life expectancy right? So, why do you want to spend all your time at school when you’re gonna die early?”
My answer to that was simple so with a smile on my face i replied, “When exactly am i going to die?”
She said, “I don’t know”
I then said, “Does that not answer your question? Nobody knows when they’re going to die. I might not die of CF, i might get run over by a bus tomorrow, you may suddenly stop breathing or maybe that woman down the road might get diagnosed with Cancer. But that doesn’t give her a death sentence, it gives her a battle, one she might win or unfortunately lose. The thing is, that woman won’t just give up and stop doing anything. You won’t stop going out after school in case you stop breathing and i won’t wrap myself in a bubble in fear of dyeing by a bus or CF. Because you never know so i’m gonna go to school and then college and hopefully university and then possibly get the career of my dreams. Or maybe i’ll have to drop out of uni or college because my health needed more attention; the main thing is i’m gonna try and keep going. Keep fighting.”
She just nodded, i think i maybe went a little over board with my explanation, but either way i got my point across because she never said anything against it and she is constantly asking what i am planning for the future.
Although my dad makes excellent, tempting points ... it’s just not what i want.
So many disagreements have been caused through education that sometimes i think, “why don’t you just give up?” And then i remember that Wheeler’s don’t quit because a true Wheeler is pretty stubborn really.

Another trait i get from my dad ... stubbornness. Some people hate it but i love it; i’m only stubborn when i think i have a right to be otherwise i wouldn’t waste my time. Jelousy is another huge thing my dad passed onto me however, along with that comes devotion and pride.
Another party trick my dad shared with me is singing.
If you know me you’ll know my dad, Graham Wheeler is an amazing singer as i have mentioned in a previous post. He has turned Simon Cowell down and had to walk away from Bootcamp (X-Factor) last year because i was having my operation. My dad sings as a solo artist (Graham Wheeler), a duo (WKD), a trio (Wild ‘n’ Wicked) and was also in a live band (Stiflers Mom).
He really is an amazing singer and i idolise him for that.

A little song for my dad:

“You're my little chu-chi face
My coo-chi, coo-chi, woo-chi little chu-chi face
Every time I look at you I sigh
And you're my little teddy bear
My lovey lovey dovey little teddy bear
You're the apple strudel of my eye
Your chu-chi woo-chi nose
Your chu-chi woo-chi eyes
They set my heart a flutter
Your ooo-chi coo-chi ways
Your ooo-chi coo-chi gaze
Wilts me down like melting butter
You're my little chu-chi face
And you're my teddy bear
Together we're a chu-chi woo-chi, ooo-chi coo-chi pair
You're my little chu-chi face
And you're my teddy bear”

The song ‘Chu-Chi Face’ from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang has been mine and my dad’s song for as long as i can remember. So me and my dad are special ; ) ... I don’t care haha!
When i was little my dad used to sing this song to me when i was trying to get to sleep whilst he stroked my arm. As i got older, obviously the habit faded. However, i still like to sing this song and remind myself of how things were : )
It makes me feel like a care free child again and i love it.

My dad asked a while ago if he was going to get a blog dedicated to him and all about him and my answer was, “We’ll see.”
What he doesn’t know is that i have been writing this blog for a very long time, writing things one day and then deleting other things the next. Let’s just say it’d been edited a few times, but i am finally just going to write how i feel. He requested that it make him cry; he might have been joking but i took it seriously so here it is ... this is the blog ... but it isn’t finished.
I wanted to complete it with a little letter especially for my daddy : )

Hello my beautiful,
How has work been today? Not too bad i hope.
Well i want to start off by thanking you for how hard you work. Whether it’s 5am-6pm Monday to Friday or singing your heart out at the weekend you never fail to give me, Beth, you and mum the life of our dreams.
You and mum allow me and Beth to have everything we want and yes we are spoiled but we are so grateful for everything. We appreciate all the hours you work, all the travelling you do etc. So thank you.

Next i wanted to say that your little girl is slowly growing up now, she is becoming a young women and you keep telling me that your ‘losing your girl’ and yes you are dad BUT and that’s a huge BUT; i still love you. In fact i love you more because i am capable to understand everything you’ve ever done for me. Like i have said before, your little girl is growing up and she isn’t going to come back but i still need my dad. I know you probably feel like you need to keep me wrapped in a bubble but it’s time i make my own decisions instead of having them made for me and it’s time that this caterpillar spreads her wings and becomes a butterfly.
Auntie Sandra says i’m like a flower that’s beginning to open up and reveal its true colour and beauty.
All i ask of you now dad, is to let me. I’m not completely ready to grow up though. I’m only 15
: )

I Love You Dad All The World And Back Again ... Lots Of Times!
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