Biggest motivators ... biggest critics?

Afternoon all : )

I hope you are all well and happy; i just want to very quickly say how much i appreciate everyone taking the time to read my blogs, your kind words and support means the world to me. So thank you!

Today, my chest has felt great, IV’s have been administered and i have done thirty minutes on the treadmill again (speed = 5.0, inclined = 4%)
I know what you’re all thinking ... your thinking, “God she’s good”
Well you’re right ;) . . . . . . . . . Just kidding!
Today’s top pick of songs for while i trotted on the treadmill:

· Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You
· Miley Cyrus - The Climb
· Muse - Supermassive Black Hole
· Alice Cooper - Poison
· Kate Nash - Mouthwash
· Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends.

Today’s blog isn’t a planned one, i haven’t thought of what i am going to do. Therefore, you might have already gathered but i am writing whatever comes to my head.
Life is funny isn’t it? Do you not find it completely enticing?
Life excites me! You never know what comes next; you never have total control over your life. Somehow, it never fails to shock me, to surprise me or to make me think.

We all have that one person who we never seem to impress, we never seem to be good enough, never seem to be right in their opinion. We convince ourselves that we will be able to change their mind; it becomes our addiction to prove them wrong, to make them see our point of views ... still nothing. So i spit on my hands and take a fresh hold ... i’m running out of places to hold now though you see.
I don’t know about you but my biggest critic is someone i admire, someone i adore, someone i love with all my heart. I have been thinking and i have come to the conclusion that the reason why i see this person as my biggest critic is because they have no expectations of what they want me to be or what they want me to do. I came to the conclusion that in reality my biggest critic is me, myself and i.
I’m the one that try my hand at everything to impress this person, to make them say, “Congrats kid ... you did well!”
I am addicted to trying to get those words out of this person. To make that person say, “I am proud of you”
Proud of me for something other than being a fighter with CF, something other than doing all my meds today, for going in the gym to improve my LF’s. I want this person to be proud of my grades at school; this doesn’t impress that person, this person isn’t interested. I want that person to read my blogs and be as supportive as my family or my other readers; this person doesn’t like me telling the world about my business. I want this person to say, “you tried you hardest that’s all i want” but my best isn’t good enough unless i win, so i give up.
My voice is never good enough and i agree ... there is always room for improvement but constantly being knocked down makes it harder to get back up again.

Our biggest critic is someone we slightly fear but also usually admire. It might be your boss, your mum, your dad, the boy you like in school, the girl you just can’t seem to get out of your head. Maybe it’s your little girl or boy, could even be a teacher/instructor.
Either way, when you really dig deep enough you realise that your biggest critic is yourself.
No-one is keeping you attached to that person but yourself, no-one else’s voice is saying, “there right that is pretty rubbish” but yourself, no-one adds to that doubt in the back of your head but yourself.

I just wanted to get that off my chest, seems abit boring possibly so if it is, i apologise ... just wanted to get that out.
Thank you for reading and please keep your eyes peeled for more blogs as they are on their way!!
Here is a list of things i am hoping to blog about soon:

· Cystic Fibrosis
· CF and friendships
· ‘Music 4 Life’ (annual charity event)
· Music
· And many more things!

Again thank you for taking the time to read.
I am going to reply to some of your comments on Facebook now : )

Take Care,
Sophie xoxox

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i can almost see it ... just never reach it.

I live my life by quotations, i love how powerful words can be sometimes. I love how one sentence can make you think about your whole life and how you perceive it.
How that one inspiring quotation can change your attitude to life too.
It truly astounds me ... the human mind that is. What i love about motto’s is they kind of tell a story but for each and every person ... that story is always different. The human mind you see ;)

I love many quotations but there is one that really motivates me;
“Spit on your hands and take a fresh hold”
Well it is a true northern motto; in my opinion, it means when you feel like giving up and you feel like you can’t fight anymore ... it tells you to look at life from another direction and try again. Basically never give up because if it is meant to be ... it will be.
(There is another motto) ... I told you my head is overflowing with mottos.
One that isn’t mine personally but i love all the same is;
“It's not the years in our life that count ... it's the life in our years”
(credit goes to Rob for reminding me of this one)
For me, this is a great motto for Cystic Fibrosis or for any other life threatening disease. This motto makes me smile and reminds me to experience everything in life and to appreciate everything, to remember every single precious second of life. This is because one day, i will look back and i will want to think, ‘I’ve had one hell of a ride. Swings and roundabouts.'

The CF forum, which I go on alot, has opened my eyes alot too.
I remember beforehand thinking i knew everything about CF and i was foolish to think that because CF is so unpredictable you never know or fully understand the whirlwind. One minute your feeling great and on an all time high the next you can be taking your last breath. I now know that CF sufferers are extremely admirable people and i am learning from each and every single person i speak to. : )

A woman named Gemma Harrison (hope she doesn’t mind me mentioning her), she taught me alot just by reading her blog.
One line i remember clearly from a post that made me a shed a tear was from the ‘sad news’ blog.
In this blog, Gemma talks about a friend who has passed from the disease CF.
“I feel like people with CF are tested constantly, but we can only be strong for so long. We are not just put on this planet to just be an inspiration to others”
The whole blog was an eye opener but these lines made me think ALOT.
I realised that deep down CF sufferers are having a fight throughout their lives, a battle that eventually we all lose until a cure is found. I’m gonna leave the rest of my thoughts to myself as they i feel are for my benefit.
However, i believe many people will have had their eyes opened from that statement.
Again, it’s a reminder that life is too short so we should all appreciate what we have got and not waste time wanting things we can’t have.
Also Gemma taught me to stop avoiding this type of conversation, it wasn’t because i was scared to die that i refused to think about it; it was the ‘what happens next’ thing that blocked my mind. And thanks to her; I’ve figured that when us CF patients take our last breath ... we are free from the test, free to breathe easy and look after those we love.
I now believe that there is life after death and i no longer blank the subject.

I know i have gone on and on with myself but there are so many other people i want to mention off the CF forum, that have helped me and made me think about things.
I am going to save it till tomorrow or at least another day.
Goodness me, this is my third blog today; aren’t i on a role. Haha!
I told you, i would be back. I like these blogs, they let me express how i feel more.

Well goodnight and thankyou for reading.
Take care xoxo

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