Day 3

Good morning everyone,
we have builders next door at the moment and they're doing my head right in!
it sound's like they are trying to make there way into my room every morning at twenty to eight!! FRIGGIN' RIDICULOUS.
anyway on with today's photo:


DAY 3:- A Picture Of You And Someone/Something You Miss.




I haven’t lost anyone i was close to so i decided that the picture I’d choose would be of my old horse smudge and me.


When i was younger i was a really keen horse rider, i never really enjoyed equitation or dressage but loved working hunter and show jumping. I was a member of Saddleworth Pony Club and i thoroughly enjoyed being part of that. My first horse was called lucky and he was a horridly stubborn pony that i first started riding lead rein which means i had my mum stood at the side of me holding a lead attached to my pony. As i got bigger and better we got a new horse and he was called smudge. He was a from a horse/pony school and was excellent. I started jumping on him and was very good at it. In shows I’d rarely come home with anything but a first or second. My main rival also being my best friend at the time, Lizzie Sloane. She was very good too and her horses were horses trained to show jump. Her mother Dianne was a ferociously competitive person as was my dad so as me and lizzie smiled and enjoyed our time jumping my dad and her mum would be taking things very seriously shouting from the sidelines.
Smudge and me were a good team and therefore picked to represent Saddleworth pony club at show jumping events along with lizzie and her horse obviously. I loved being part of that so much more than anything as i felt like i must've been REALLY REALLY good to be picked by the committee to represent the whole club! :)
I was proud of that.

Eventually as i got older and after a while of competing i fell out with horse riding and it's ferocious competitiveness, it took the fun out of it and i no longer enjoyed it and so retired at the very early age of 13! :D
YES.. Yes i did all that show jumping under the age of 13! :)
I jumped 4ft9 at my best point, which is good going for someone not even in her teens.

We sold smudge to my auntie Diane who was an avid rider and absolutely adored animals & still does. It was sad but it wasn't fair for me to keep him if i no longer rode him.
Unfortunately the new yard he was moved to didn’t seem to like him and smudged was 'bullied'
One day he was chased round & round the field and had a heart attack. Smudge died that day.
It was heartbreaking. It was the first pet I’d ever had that made me cry my eyes out. He was a great horse & very much loved.

LOVE YOU SMUDGE!! R.I.P FUN TIME FRANKIE (his show name)

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Day 2

Good morning everyone,
i hope you are all well and happy! Here is day 2 of the photo challenge:


Day 2:- A Picture Of You And Someone You Have Been Closest To For The Longest.




I found this one a hard one, i didn't really have anyone who i immediately thought of. I didn’t have a best friend of 10 years and most of my school friends seem to have fizzled away so i was stuck as to who i would choose.
Then i thought about Chloe. Although we aren't as close as we were and we don't see each other very much; she is the one friend from school who has stuck by me and still talks to me, visits me, does stuff with me and i for one am very appreciative of that.

So this is Chloe and i at our school prom.
She is the ditzy blonde who says what she is thinking, she has no filter and therefore has to be stopped every now and again whilst talking to my younger sister!
She is lovely and would do anything to help you if she could. We have been friends for 4 years now. She loves nail polish, she loves Mcdonalds and she likes meaningful songs because they could make her cry. She is studying to be an air hostess and works in poundland. She likes a drink, especially the wine. She has a boyfriend called jonny and he’s nice and takes care of her and she is very much in love with him so I’m happy for her!
She makes me laugh with some of the things she comes out with & her random texts telling me she’d like a brew or that her shampoo smells nice today. :)
I love her very much <3

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30 day photo challenge!

Hi all,
a few of my friends have been doing this 30 day photo challenge on facebook so i thought i'd join in but do it on my blog instead. It let's you have a tiny little insight into a few things that you possibly didn't know and hopefully it'll be the kick start in to writing my blogs regularly again :)
So here are the things you should be expecting over the next 30 days:

Day 1 – A photo of you with 15 facts about yourself.
Day 2 – A picture of you and someone you have been closest to for the longest.
Day 3 – A picture of you and someone/something you miss.
Day 4 – A picture of a habit you wish you didn’t have.
Day 5 – A picture of somewhere you’ve been.
Day 6 – A picture of you fave band/artist.
Day 7 – A picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on your life.
Day 8 – A picture of someone who makes you laugh.
Day 9 – A picture of someone who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 – A picture of you when you were little.
Day 11 – A picture of your celebrity crush.
Day 12 – A picture of something you love.
Day 13 – A picture of something you hate.
Day 14 – A picture of you doing something that makes you happy.
Day 15 – A picture of your family.
Day 16 – A picture of you and someone you do weird things with.
Day 17 – A picture of your favourite song.
Day 18 – A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 – A picture of something that inspires you.
Day 20 – A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel.
Day 21 – A picture of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 – A picture of something that confuses you.
Day 23 – A picture of something you crave.
Day 24 – A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 25 – A picture of your favourite memory.
Day 26 – A picture of something that mean’s a lot to you.
Day 27 – A picture of something you’re afraid of.
Day 28 – A picture of you last year and today with a description of how you’ve changed.
Day 29 – A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 – A picture of yourself.

I'll start that today :)
That's it for now really, nothing to report as of yet!
Thanks for reading and i shall do the photo challenge below :)
Take care, Soph xoxo

------------------------------------------------------- DAY 1





1) i lose things alot
2) i have a fear of fish being close up to me and swimming around. i don't like them. i haven't always been like this.. i seem to have grown into it.
3) i'm not a fan of chocolate but LOVE gummy sweeties
4) i hate the taste of coffee but love the smell of it
5) i automatically assume the worst when a loved one doesn't text me back after a long period of time (that being 30-40 mins)
6) i get called dolly off a few people at the CF centre because i'm the baba & dainty
7) i really detest the smell, look & taste of mushrooms!
8) i'm not particularly a great eater of meat but i do love chicken
9) i wanna be able to sing to my hearts content again one day
10) i prefer darkness to light
11) i love steaming hot bubble baths
12) i have a keen interest in interior design
13) i think candles are pretty
14) my two favourite films in the world are 50 first dates & practical magic
15) i love to laugh but hold it in alot of the time in fear of coughing uncontrollably afterwards.

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.. sweet dreams Holly xxxx

Hi
I know I’ve been terrible and I haven’t wrote on this for a while.. a really long while but could you forgive me and just allow me to get this out?

You all know I’ve moved to the adult CF centre. I made friends with two fellow cystic fibrosis patients.
Laura & Holly.
Obviously due to cross infection we were never allowed to mix and meet face to face. However if you left your door open you could see patients going for a walk with physio or bobbing out somewhere for abit.
I got speaking to Laura first as she added me on facebook, she was lovely and it was just nice to speak to somebody who completely understood. COMPLETELY.
Laura is on the transplant list and is waiting for her call. I thought I’d ask her a few questions and just talk to her about the whole thing for my own curiosity with the whole transplant situation being so ‘real’ to me now.

Soon after I had another friend request off a girl named Holly, now this one I recognised. I’d seen her popping out for abit with her boyfriend. She’d be sat in her wheelchair with her oxygen mask on and her woolly hat while her boyfriend pushed the chair. I’d also seen her going for a walk with physio, oxygen mask intact and drip stand being pushed by either a physio, friend, boyfriend or family member. She’d always smile as she walked past my room.
I accepted her request and got chatting to her straight away. We never really spoke about CF, we mainly talked about online shopping as I was an online shopping virgin and had never even contemplated shopping on the internet before.
She told me I should create a paypal just to be safe before I spent any money.
She introduced me to truffleshuffle :’)
Both Laura and Holly were in rather frequently. I tend to be in every four week for 3-4 week on IV’s but Holly & Laura’s admission lasted longer and their time out of hospital was much shorter.. usually lasting weeks or even days. I was admitted onto the ward end of November with swine flu and so I was in hospital for 5 week. Sometime in December I decided I’d start a facebook craze and made all my friends turn there profile pictures to the organ donar card till the clock struck midnight on new years eve. All in order to raise awareness of organ donation and the generous and selfless Christmas present of all .. the gift of life.
It went phenomenally well and I even managed to get onto local news on Granada reports ITV.
My two new friends and I really appreciated everyone’s dedication and both Laura & Holly joined in my campaign by changing their profile pictures.
I got out in time for Christmas and so did Laura.. however, she had to go back in soon after due to picking up a nasty virus. I’m unsure about holly.

Sadly, Holly passed away last week, she fought so very hard right till the end. She had her close family surrounding her and therefore was in a room full of love and devotion. I know she is no longer suffering or having to fight and that she’s now a shiny star in the sky.
But it still leaves an ever so bitter taste in my mouth about how cruel and unfair life is. Holly was just 19! NINETEEN years old.
That’s two years older than me. That’s far too young.
It’s made me very resentful to the people who disagree with organ donation or those who don’t sign up. Does that make me a bad person?
Everyone is entitled to there own opinion.. I am fully aware of that.
I just don’t see how someone can even have a second thought about saving somebody’s life. In such a selfless act as donating your organs once you no longer need them. I just get told to ‘hush’ with my feelings though as it’ll upset people who are just expressing their matters of freewill.
I have a strong opinion on ‘Freewill’……. I want to just warn anyone who may disagree with organ donation that they may find my opinion on the matter a little abrupt & blunt. Apologies.
Allow me to express my matter of freewill…


Life.
Death.
Why just sit and let people die for the sake of allowing your organs to then rot underground or burn when you get cremated? It’s blunt but it’s true.
I wish so hard that people realise how serious the whole thing is. Organ donation should not be an option we choose to take it should just be a general thing that is carried out when someone passes away. How many lives would be improved? How many people would live much longer & fuller life?
Yes I know that transplantation doesn’t always have a happy ending but isn’t it worth the risk?
It isn’t fair. Holly worked her arse off all her life to get some new lungs and she never got them.. where is the freewill in that?
Life
Death.


Yes I am probably very biased in my opinion. However I’ll be honest with you all and lay out everything on this blog..
It scared me.
It scared me knowing how young she was, knowing she didn’t get to live life to her full potential post transplant as she never got the chance.
I was shocked.
It shocked me as I really did have it in my head that Holly would get that call she’d been waiting & fighting for. I really did believe that it’d come and she’d be able to carry on living a better life without the horrid lungs. I had no idea she was so ill.
I was sad.
It was a big shock to my system.. true I didn’t know Holly very well atall and I didn’t meet her or know her very long but when you share something like the understanding of being a young person who is so ill and having there life put on hold, I think a bond is created.
I was determined.
I’m determined to make every single person I know fully aware of organ donation and how crucial it really is.
I think if everyone put their self in my shoes, in Holly’s shoes, in Laura’s shoes or in my friend Victoria glen’s shoes.. you’d soon be more than willing to save lives.


I am keeping a smile on my face and my head up as Holly is no longer suffering or having to fight and she is now breathing easily and spending a fortune online shopping somewhere in her dreamland ☺
I also know that there are some very happy endings with regards to transplantation ☺
Victoria Glen is my inspiration to keep fighting for that phonecall and those brand spankin’ new shiny lungs as she is doing ever so brillianly. Her blog is:-
www.tori-x.livejournal.com

Thank you for reading & allowing me to just let it all out.. I feel better now.
Much love to you all. <3
Take care, sophie xoxo

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adult centre... fresh pair of eyes!

My health........ argh!!!!!!!!!!
just needed to let that little bugger out!

I am excellent at putting my head up, gritting my teeth and barging through with a huge smile on my face... i have to be right?
There are clearly worse things in this world than me having CF and my health being a real pain in my backside!
I think maybe i’m just a little overwhelmed?
I get told i’m an amazing, inspirational writer and i think it’s because it’s my release... i never talk about how i am really feeling, it’s bad i know but i’m petrified of letting people know that the brave, strong, happy, positive girl gets down and cries and struggles to deal with things.

On the other hand, i feel the need to be strong not just for myself but my family too... i hate crying in front of my sister... she’s too young to have to deal with the true gritty bits of CF and she doesn’t need it so i smile and be cheery in hospital.

I know my mum and my dad struggle too i can tell, i can see it, i can hear it, i can feel it.
I have no idea what it’s like for them but if i tried to imagine i suspect it’s a little or maybe a lot torturous?
Your sat watching your child fight something they can’t see or smell or hear or touch but most of the time it’s got the upper hand and you as the parent have no control... no way of PROTECTING and COVERING them from this badness. So you comfort, support, encourage and love them and you make the bad times fade away for that child.

Mum? Dad... if you ever feel helpless i just want you to know that you do an amazing job and if anyone was to be named the strong ones it’s definatly you two.. i lean on you. I rely on you. I can’t do it on my own and i don’t do it on my own because you’re always with me... ALWAYS! The only way i can think of thanking you is by keeping my chin up, keep fighting and making you proud.

You’re reading this and possibly thinking, “woah... abit deep this one isn’t it? abit depressing isn’t it?”
There is however a reason for this...

Most of you probably know that Cystic Fibrosis doesn’t get better and it gradually gets worse and i am compliant with all my meds, physio, exercise and other treatments yet still my lung functions and quality of life just is not what it used to be and that’s more than understandable! My lungs are tired... simple as. They have had to work harder than what most people would think. I only have half of my right lung so that little trooper has been a star all things considered!
Recently i was admitted into hospital after rushing to A+E with my mum and dad early hours of Sunday morning. Not with a bad chest... no, no; HEADACHES!
Not just a usual headache though it was unbearable i would literally lie down on my own in a dark, silent room with my eyes closed and usually i’d simply fall asleep. My temp was raging and my dad decided he had waited long enough for it all to settle down so despite my denial and dismissive “i’ll be fine” we got in the car, left my sister at my grandma’s and arrived at Manchester Children’s Hospital A+E around 00:30ish! The triage nurse called my name and we explained what was wrong, i had my temp checked and it was flying high at 39.8 and my sat’s (oxygen level) was extremely low and in the 60’s; my little heart was beating hard to try and keep me fighting as my heart rate raced at 160 odd.

I took some paracetamol, was put in recuss and was put on oxygen!
Want to know the worst part? I didn’t even think i was sick enough to go to hospital! I honestly would not have said my sats were as low as in the 60’s and that i needed oxygen. I have no idea why... denial? or have i just got that used to being how i am and feeling how i felt that i’d almost adapted to it? conformed to being ill? That worried me a little because if i can’t even tell when i’m needing IV’s till i’m practically gasping and needing to be seen urgently, then i’m doing myself and my lungs no favours atall and maybe this was a sign of what later followed..
anyway, i was put on IV’s and i had to stay in as i needed oxygen, my temp was still high and i was just not well. My doctor decided to put me on a machine named the bi-pap. What this does is it is worn while you sleep overnight and it forces air into your lungs therefore aiding you to him so your lungs don’t have to work as hard.
why did i need this? well... as i have said before my lungs are getting very tired and throughout the day and night i was restoring too much carbon dioxide and this was causing the headaches and the sleepiness.

Since being on the bi-pap, my headaches have stopped; i’m sleeping through the night and not all the time! gradually you could see an improvement in my colour and my energy levels. Two things that weren’t improving were my lung functions and my weight gain. My lung functions after a week of IV’s were still in the 20’s. my doctor wanted a meeting with me and my parents.

All he basically said was that he felt like i would be best going over to the adult centre now as they may have some new ideas on how to try and improve me.
i keep being told that a fresh pair of eyes looking at my situation may do me some good so i’m hoping they are right! :)
I’m not too fussed about going over to the adult centre... more bothered about leaving my doctors and nurses and physio’s behind; people don’t realise just how close the bond is between patient and CF team. Saying goodbye is going to be really sad! :(

Anyway.. thanks for reading and that’s all for now ladies and gentleman!
Take Care, Soph xoxo

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swings, roundabouts and 2009

Hellooooo?!

Is anyone even out there still? :D
wow so.. i’ve not done one of these for a real long time. just either had nothing to say or no inspiration. I’d let go of something i loved doing; something i’m often told i’m very good at. I’m writing this in the car on my i-phone, on the way home from a Miley Cyrus concert; Uncle Neil would not be pleased with the spelling, punctuation and grammar. :D it’s so hard to type on an i-phone in a moving car! :) quickly popping back to Miss Cyrus! :O i have a few words to say about that girl i’ll tell you!

Lets start off with a little update, well at the minute i am pretty much full of a cold and i’m really trying to be a big, brave girl and ignore it... but it’s a cold it brings you down don’t it. so the happy, ‘cheer up’ songs start to be played on the i-phone :D
i had such an amazing Christmas! Loved every minute of it <3

Anyway, so christmas yet again has come and gone and a new year is soon to start.
this year has been rather mental! Maybe that’s why it’s flown by huh?
lots of highs, many low’s.. big decisions, small disagreements.. some firsts, some ‘never to be done again’ lasts.. sad losses and major gains! 2009 has been bloody good!! Just those swings and roundabouts keeping life interesting. After all no rest for the wicked eh? ;)

So the year started off in January with me being in my final months of year 11. No more school after may. I remember being so excited but so scared also. It was like.. my wakeup call; i’m growing up!
i’ll always be my dad’s little girl and a big kid at heart but i’m growing up, i’m getting older now, more mature, more intelligent, more wise, more respectful, more appreciative, more dedicated. I’m still learning though.. and i learned a few lessons this year.
So we sailed into February and it was my cousin’s 21st party :) Sam Ogden! It was a awesome party, she looked stunning and got spoiled of course :D
March came along and GCSE’s were dawning closer and closer. It was time to get my head down and work my arse off for these grades i wanted so intensely, i needed so badly! So i revised and i revised.
April soon came and someone in particular stopped me in my tracks. Ladies and gentleman .. Mr. Arran Barnes.
now this boy came and shook my world a little bit. I fell head over heels just like my dad always said i would for the boy i fell hardest for. we had a rocky start and things were exceptional then suddenly broken promises leaded to broken smiles and broken friendships. i was a little dazed for a while.. but i had to snap out of it fast because May have arrived sooner than i expected!
HELLO GCSE’S!!
I’d done all i could to try and get good grades on coursework to give me that little boost but now all i could do was try my best and hope it would be good enough...
June 2009.
school was over and done with; i’d never have to step foot in one of those classrooms again. Only two things left that involved that school... number one? PROM!
it was such a good night, everyone looked stunning and handsome and they all behaved.. most of them!
There were no after parties were allowed for Miss Sophie Jayne Wheeler but after the tales i got told afterwards i was glad of that.
July arrived with a bang as a major fall out was only just erupting. i thought i lost a best friend that month. but she sneaked back into my life later on in the year. My birthday was soon to follow and i was trying to forget about my disruption were friends were concerned. I had a little picnic in the park which ended disastrously as it rained so we all went back to my house and then later on i had a meal with my mum, dad and Beth. i was 16 now.
August.. August.. hmmm not that much happened really.. OH YEAH .... Mr. Arran Barnes was back and i was really happy about it, i began to fall for him all over again hoping this time; things would be different.
number two involvement with Counthill? RESULTS DAY!
the results were in and after the full year 10 out and rushed coursework as well as, a dismal amount of educated knowledge in my head i prayed to god i’d have enough to get into Oldham sixth form college. ... ... FINGERS CROSSED!
wooooooooooooooooooooo! I was in.. no doubt about that what with an A in English thanks to my superior English literature mind ;) haha. That right there is my proudest accomplishment in life up to now. :D
September.
A sneaky friend managed her way back into my life as i gave her a second chance, i believe her apology; silly me huh?
anyway, college started and i was due to start four courses.. humanities, maths, psychology and sociology; all in a pursuit to continue into further education and become a child psychologist.
my main dream is to be a writer but for now.. i’m happy with it just being a release and a hobby.
OCTOBER 2009
well.... halloweeen was a complete disaster! Not going to go into too much detail but the ‘friend’ i gave a second chance to blow it and i learned a couple of valuable lessons. So did a couple of other people also. Shame really because i felt a little gutted that i’d lost a friend and then i realised.. she obviously never was a friend in the first place.
from now on.. i stick to my close 6 friends and i’m happy with that. (:
NOVEMBER
I had a rather shaky start to November.. i seemed to have caught some virus but the symptoms i had were all signs of swine flu so as a precaution i was given tamiflu. This knocked me sick for a long period of time after taking but eventually it would pass. After the 5 days on tamiflu.. my symptoms hadn’t faded, so clearly i had not got pig flu! Just a virus maybe? Whatever it was it needed to go QUICK my holiday was coming up very fast and soon it was here!
ORLANDO, FLORIDA, USA!!!! I loved every minute of it and i’d just like to thank Beth (my sister), auntie max and Arran. mainly i’d like to really thank my mum and dad who work there bottoms off so me and Beth get everything we want and more and sometimes i may not be the best child in the world and i know i cause you so much worry most of the time but as long as you know that this pain in the arse kid is so appreciative and thankful for everything you do for me.. i’m happy (: i love you two!
DECEMBER
i started my IV and they put me on this new mixture of antibiotics.. tazocin and amakacin. I’d been on both of these before but never together. First dose was fine except for this excruciating pain i got in my back that left me lying down for a while. The nurse said it wasn’t a side effect of any of the medicines so i assumed i’d pulled myself whilst coughing.. second dose.. again this pain floored me for ages! Third dose.. i felt so heavy; i literally couldn’t move and if somehow i managed to i’d feel like falling to the ground i just felt too heavy and my appetite dissaperated! Surely this wasn’t right?
my mum phoned the hospital up but they assured her it was nothing to do with the IV’s and to continue. So she did.
third day.. i wasn’t eating a thing. I was unable to move, i had a temperature and i was so lapsidasicle, my mum said i looked blue. I was rushed to A&E were they placed me in recuss, put oxygen on me, wired me up to a drip and was monitoring me constantly.. one on one nurse i had :D
my doctor came bursting through the doors in a panic; he thought my lung had collapsed but after a few examinations it was clear that a collapsed lung wasn’t the problem but the drugs were. They stopped my IV and changed my antibiotics. They think i had an allergic reaction to the mixture and that’s what triggered the relapse. I was let out of hospital after a few days and i was shocked to say snow on the floor, i was banned from playing out though as my mum put me in hibernation! :D
Christmas arrived fairly quickly and Santa brought me and my sister lots of amazing presents! :D
my favourites being my Ed Hardy watch AND our keyboard! :D <3 THANKYOU father Christmas!!!

So this year is very, very nearly over, some great things have happened and i wouldn’t change any of it for anything or anyone. It started with me smiling and it’s ending with me smiling. (: funny as it started with me having a cold and it’s ending with me having a cold but still smiling! :D
Well.. finally i best right a few things i expect from 2010 but before that i just want to say thank you for reading! I’m sorry it’s been so long. I lost my way for a while but i’m back with 5 other blogs in the ‘rough draft’ process. So it shant be too long before i make a return here... keep a look out!
I hope you all have an excellent new year! And enjoy every minute but be careful and safe!
I hope there are no sad losses, goodbyes, illness or deaths. I wish you all the luck in the world that 2010 will be one with many smiles, plenty of laughs and buckets of happiness...
ENJOY AND THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN!! :)
Take Care, Sophie xoxo

NEW YEAR?
• I hope to pass all my exams in May at Oldham Sixth Form
• I hope to stay happy and healthy all year
• I hope to continue loving every minute of my relationship <3
• I hope to ENJOY, LOVE, LAUGH, SMILE and LIVE every moment of every day.

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