Day 17

I was watching ghost tonight and one of the HCA's came in to set my feed up, she asked what i thought happens when we die.

I don't really know what to believe and i never used to be but have become more and more sceptical as i have gotten older.
I don't believe in god. I don't believe in heaven and hell. I don't believe in anything biblical.

In all honesty i think it's more that i want it to be like this more than i actually think it'll be like this :)

I don't think that when you die, you just die.
I think there is a complete difference to your body and your mind and your spirit.
I think your spirit is that uniqueness in personality and beliefs and energy.
I don't understand what would be the point in everything if at the end it just goes black and that's it.. you're gone.

I like to see it as you fall asleep and you just live in this dream land where everyone you want to be around is around, everything you want is attainable and there's no hurt or pain.. just love, peacefulness and happiness.

No matter what type of person you are right now, no matter what awful things you may have done, all that is left is the good.

That is what i like to think, i don't actually think it's like that at all... nobody knows i guess do they but it's just what i'd like :)

I used to spend a hell of a lot of time with the most sce ptical, inquisitive, stubborn bugger you could ever imagine coming into contact with.
Years of reading the likes of Richard Dawkins had killed any hope of there being anything at all once you die.
No god. No heaven. No hell. No reincarnation. No life after death. No mediums. No psychics. No tarot cards. No fortune tellers. No horoscopes. Just nothing spiritual what so ever.
See it to believe it kind of fella.

3 years with me and although he didn't believe in it.. i softened that black heart and he used to listen to me go on and on about friends who had passed or just my own worries about what if's where my life was concerned and he'd tell me.. don't worry about any of it because when you die.. you just go into a dreamworld.
you don't feel any pain or hurt and you don't feel poorly anymore. that all goes away and what your left with is what ever and whoever you imagine to be.
whether they are dead or alive, if you wish for them to be with you, they'll be there because it's your dreamworld.

i'd like that idea but i decided it wasn't good enough. i decided if anyone dead or alive can be with you in this dream world then the living aren't really there.
he had a comeback though.. he said don't be silly, there is no such thing as time in the dream world.
you don't even notice a minute go by so there's no waiting around for anyone to die.. it's basically the time you spend sitting on a bus waiting for it to stop at the next bus stop.. that's not a very long wait is it?
i decided that was good enough.
i made him promise that if he went before i did, he'd wait on the bus for me :')
he promised, he promised a lot of things though :)

those promises don't matter now but what does matter is that i've took a shine to that dream world.
it's mine to keep now, seen as though it was invented for me :)
i also like the bus.. so if you ever find yourself worried about being alone afterwards.. don't worry, i'll be sat waiting on the bus.
i keep my promises ;)

Day 17:- green.

i refuse to even mention what you'll be thinking i would theme this green photo on.
sick of hearing about it today :)
i'm English and have no other immediate heritage in me so i'm good thanks!

You can't see the colour very good at all but it is green.. believe me! it's a peppermint green colour.
i just thought it was rather fitting with a blog i did a couple of days ago about words and how they just have a power to make you feel a little better for a second or two.
Of course they can also have an adverse effect depending on the choice of words!

I saw a great video that has been spread on twitter recently, i might re-tweet it for those that follow me for you to have a nosey if you have a spare few minutes.
It's sad story but powerful, clever, moving and very true just not very fitting for today's blog on all things spiritual and dreamy!

Big chat with the consultant and mama & papa tomorrow so need my beauty sleep!

Night night bedbugs...
Sophie xoxo

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