Been a very busy bee today actually, buzzed here, there and everywhere.
I want to get straight down to business and get on with today's photo challenge picture.
Day 26: Work
Well i don't literally have a job and i don't get paid to do these blogs but i like to see this as my work. It's something 'recently' i have been doing daily and have struggled some days when i have ran dry of anything to chat about but i have enjoyed doing it.
It's been nice having something to focus on each day and put it all together.
A lot of thought goes into each post.. most of the time.
I think i mentioned a few posts back that i had passed my 100th post mark.. woohooo.
I flicked back to an old post.. my very first blog post.
I had never done anything like this before and had always written and jotted things down on my laptop but just never shared these publicly for all to see.
I had been an rare user of the forums on the CF Trust website. I'd go on to nosey more than chat, i just wanted to know what was 'normal' and what was to be expected as i had nobody online (facebook or msn) who had CF at the time so i just would go on there to look things up i'd heard mentioned in a clinic appointment etc.
That's where i found out about this strange thing called, "blogging"
A found there were a fair few people on there who had their own personal blog, some where kept private for the chosen ones to see but most were open for all to have a read. So i did.
Reading these blogs made me feel like i knew these people, i understood what they were saying and how they'd describe their chest feeling or breathing being. It felt really good to know that there are people out there who 100% get where you're coming from.
I also am a very nosey person and enjoyed catching up on the gossip of some of the girls blogs :)
I first started reading a lady called Gemma's blog, i found her tales and her pictures of her cute dog absolutely lovely and i would look forward to a new post going up.
I had a coursework piece i had to do for my English speaking and listening assessment and as i was doing this really late into the year with being poorly all of year 10, i had free range to do it on anything i liked.. only catch was i had less than an hour to write it up. It was roughly 45 minutes and it had to be 15 minutes long this speech with a time slot for question and answers at the end.
While the whole class sat and read of mice & men and did a little quiz on the few chapters, i sat on my own quietly at the back scribbling frantically about something that would equate to that shiny A* in English that i craved so badly!
So what did i choose to write up on?
Me and my cystic fibrosis of course ;)
I found i got carried away and the worry was for nothing, i had written 3 back to back A4 pages full in less than 30 minutes. Easy part done.. time to speak out to the whole class about me and my spastic fibrosis.
"Hello, my name is.."
As if they didn't know already after 5 years of school together :(
My nerves were outrageous, i am a total loser when it comes to public speaking so i needed what i had written to pull me through the listening part when it came to the questions and listening.. that's why i was incredibly clever and choose something i knew like the back of my hand. My CF.
It went down a treat, everyone sat and listened so intently, i had tons of people asking questions.. some off people i had never been popular enough to be looked at by! it felt pretty damn good to be an interesting person, it felt pretty damn good to have so many people interested in Cystic Fibrosis. Even if as soon as they left that room.. it was all forgotten; it was locked into a memory cupboard somewhere in there head and they now had knowledge on a disease that for un-noticed too frequently. This felt good.
This is when i decided i would quite enjoy doing this blogging thing. I was nervous as my dad had drilled into my head all the bad stuff the Internet can do. My papa is the best papa in the world but his methods can be a little brutal sometimes.
"Hold my hand while we cross this road or you'll get run over and die!"
"Don't let go of my hand here or run off or a bad man will kidnap you and you'll never see us again!"
- and i sit here and wonder where my bad social skills and social anxiety has stemmed from.
Just kidding papa.. it worked didn't it?
i wasn't a bad kid and turned into a mighty fine young woman if i do say so myself ;)
He was also a VERY private person and i knew he would hate me being so vocal in public about me, my life and at times, my family too.
So i put all that aside, and set up a very basic looking blog and posted my very first post that i wrote as a piece of coursework, in the back of a classroom; in Counthill Secondary School at 15 years old.
It was called, Just Me.
After looking around, i then found Victoria Glen's blog, this is when i got a real insight into just what blogging could do. She had thousands of followers, people who were reading every single post and awaiting that one post that meant the world to Tori and her dedicated followers.. "The call" post.
That post that confirmed that after SO MANY false alarms.. that call had come. That one call that would change her world. That changed my world. I was suddenly thrust into this world of knowing what transplant was, knowing that one day that would be me and i needed to prepare myself for that day.
So i looked up some more people and i followed those.
Novelty wore off with blogging for me.. things were changing, i was changing and my concentration shifted to my health. I had been out of school and had attempted college but had to drop out, i was put on a overnight ventilator called a bi-pap machine and the word transplant was being tossed around by my paediatric team, this came hand in hand with adult centre.
This is where i fell back to my safety net of blogging, i wrote one blog when adult centre was introduced and then i went silent again as i fixated on getting my arse in gear. I was not prepared or ready for transplant journey yet.. Not yet.
This blog was called, Fresh pair of eyes.
I met a few friends in the adult centre but the adult centre was a different ball game, i lost 3 beautiful friends and each blow was a mega hit to my confidence in everything i had built myself up on.. positivity and optimism.
This new thing was spreading through my rainbow flavoured veins and turning them back into what they were.. just veins. Not rainbows.. Veins.
It was called reality. It hit me harshly in the face when i lost Holly and i lashed out with a very angry post called, sweet dreams holly. X
I started a photo challenge and this got me blogging daily but once it was done, i fell back to silence again until another bad hit blew me up. This one broke my heart.
I lost Laura V, my homie .X
This post was called onwards and upwards.
It was a mixed bag of good and bad news. The bad outweighed the good at that time and i cried so many tears..
I had a few posts in between then and the end of last year but not many. Then last year was the worst year of my life so far and i had hot a wall of utter desperation. I had no way to crawl out of this pit of helplessness and so i blogged, i offed in the best way i could trying to keep the true meanings for things under wraps to keep personal things personal. But i just had to find some healthy way to let these toxic emotions out and so i wrote Lilly's story.
Part 1
Part 2
Lilly's story has yet to gain a part 3.. i am on it ;)
I was half hearted with feb's photo challenge but think i have redeemed myself with march's so far.
Which alas, brings us to today. This post, right now.
Personally i love my old school blogs, back when my biggest dilemma in life was which playlist i was going to play in the gym or had i done enough revision for maths module 3 GCSE exam :)
So there we have it, a history of Just Me Sophie Wee.
My work place, my work shop, my counsellors office, my shrinks chair, my girly matter with my besties. All rolled into one for my delight and yours too if you're still here reading :)
Sleep tight bedbugs
Sophie xoxo
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